i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
