Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Randomize
