i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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