Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
