glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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