Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
