HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
