Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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