Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
