Your tits are I can't wait for
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Do vagina's smell?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
