We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i think im in europe. pls send help
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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