I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
