I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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