I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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