It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
