she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
