this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
