I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
