Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
