I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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