Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
