my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
