I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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