it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
