I will die if light touches me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
