dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
