I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
