Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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