Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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