I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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