no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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