margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
