Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
