I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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