Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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