I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she pinky promised me she was 18
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
