I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
