your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
