last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
