Plan B is the new Plan A
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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