There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You are the jesus of drinking
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
