Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
