I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
