Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
