yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
