oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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