i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
