I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
