There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He did a backflip because drugs
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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