I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
