Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
