It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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