The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
