the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
