I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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