I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
