I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
