8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
