Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
