You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
