i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
