how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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