i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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