Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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