Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
