I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
