and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
