how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
