So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
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I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
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Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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