He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
