these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
