need another drink. this is the easiest way
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
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i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
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If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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