My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Watching her eat just hurts me
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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